F-Head -Verse 1 Every time I see your face, it makes me want to puke. Cross eyed with a crooked nose like vomit on my shoe. Uni-brow, I don't know how you make it day to day. Mark my words you effin' turd I'm here to make you pay. Where'd you buy your jeans, back in 1986? Swear to god if you were my dog, I'd be freakin' sick. Zoobaz pants and denim vest you make me want to hurl. Scrunchee in your pony tail makes you look like such a girl. -Bridge Your mom wears combat boots. When she sits around the house she really sits around the house. Your mom wears combat boots. Is that her face or did her neck throw up? -Chorus F-Head! What the heck is your problem? F-Head! Why are you so weird? F-Head! Better back it up. F-Head! I aught a box your ears. F-Head! Why do you look so stupid? F-Head! A swirly is coming your way. F-Head! You're so freakin' stupid. F-Head! I guess you were born that way. -Verse 2 Think that you're a pirate just because your hands a hook. Don't you even wave to me, I hate the way you look. Fanny pack, and white hi tops are just too much to bare, Knuckle sandwich to your face is just me being fair. Pencil necked geek I hate you more with every day. Such a dweeb, who let you dress in such an awful way. Cruisn' for a bruisin' hope you're ready for a fight. Hope you're sleeping well when I egg your house tonight. -Chorus -Breakdown Giant lips, pointy ears, like an elfin Mic Jagger, but not nearly as cool. Who let's you dress the way you do? They should do time for letting you look like a fool. Buck teeth, floppy tongue, I think I'm going to vomit if you stick around. Heinous smile, gangly limbs, somebody please finish what god half started. -Chorus

Titanchick -Intro Carnival cruise, 4 nights of booze. A slight smell of bacon through the air. Out steps this Mrs. America, about the size of South America. Curly hair and a muffin top, a pink moo-moo and a mouth full of pot roast. She's pushing around 655, and got the attention of all the guys. She's sexy and she knows it. She's heavy and she shows it. She's sweaty and she knows it. She's lovely and I'll bone it. -Verse 1 Never felt like this before. Gotta weigh 300 or more. Skinny jeans stretched to the max. Couldn't clean her with a gallon of Ajax. She's so sweaty, can't deny her appeal. Starting to think that these feelings are real. My pants are shrinking and I think it's my time. I've never seen a girl this fine. -Chorus Mutz- Fat girl! Huge bitch! Train-wreck! Cholesterol! Ken - She's Titanic! Such a shipwreck! I can't look away! She bleeds mayonnaise! Mutz- Sweaty girl! In Heat! Can't resist! So Big! Ken - She's Titanic! She's slippery in sweat! She ate my wallet! She's Titanchick! -Verse 2 I've got some old tequila, we can share after the buffet. Let's rub our privates to some fucking 'Thong Song'. I think that we could be so perfect. My beautiful wildebeest. I just want to show you my love. 3 seats at the Golden Corral. -Chorus -Breakdown Head like a bowling ball, puffy cheeks and a sweaty brow. Tits up front and a pair in the back, ill fitting jeans and a giant ass crack. No more money, no more coupons. I'm out of ways to feed your love. Only choice I have to make, Bar-b-que my legs and arms. Hands covered in peanut butter. Sex appeal like no other. Her gravity field pulls me in. I commit my biggest sin. -Chorus

Skeleton Tamer (Ken backs all screams, and spoken in quotes) -Verse 1 Needed a roommate, I put an add in the dorms. I can't believe the guy that came to my door. He had a face like the crimson ghost. He looked drunk, but I was a good host. His voice was grating, and his skin tone dull. Saw from his eyes to the back of his skull. (Scream) "The back of my skull!" Rib cage like a xylophone. He gave me cash and got a room of his own. (Scream) "A room of my own!" -Chorus 1 You tracked mud through my house again. "It wasn't me ha ha! It must be one of your friends." You put saran wrap on my toilet seat. "It's pretty funny when it lands on your feet." -Verse 2 You piss me off in ways you can't comprehend. You always party with your asshole friends. (Scream) "My asshole friends!" You're never on time when I'm paying the rent. You turned on the stove, never said where you went. (Scream) "I'm out with your girl!" You have no skin, and always act like a jerk. Pissed on my clothes, you never do any work. (Scream) "I'm unemployed!" You drank my beer and chewed my couch into shreds. There's always bugs making nests in your head. (Scream) "These fucking flies!" -Chorus 2 You always root for the teams that I hate. "The New York Mets. They're fucking great!" All that you eat always lands on my floor. "If you don't like it, make your way to the door. By the way, we need more beer." -Bridge (Mutz loses his shit) Your shit's out, it's out on the curb. I left you out to dry. Don't even try you've made a choice, and now you've got nowhere to hide. Always despised all that you were. Now you owe me a case of beer. Now you owe be a case of beer! -Solo Bah na na dey-sey nah mwhy cos, dededehm! Bah na na dey-sey dum mwhy dum, de de Yeah! Oooofwah-kay an muthafuckin-yeah yeah yeah yeah Yeah! Oooooo YYYEEEAAAHHH!!! I am the skeleton tamer.

Instrumental

Colonel Sanders Vs. Dave Thomas (Food Fight) -Verse 1 (Mutz) A long time ago in a Southern town, Sanders gathered his troops, it was about to go down. Women fled and the chickens cried. You could smell the fear, and it was deep fried. The robotic Dave Thomas across the plane, the Colonel was the target of his deadly game. He spread fear all across the land. When he killed he used a cyborg hand. -Bridge (Mutz and Ken) The well mannered Colonel that destroyed my life, stands in the distance with his 13 wives. Never flinches or bats an eye. His white suit shines like the sun in the sky. Chicken army stands by his side. Buckets filled with guns and knives. He took my leg, and destroyed my arm. Now I'm a murderous robot with intent to do harm. -Sanders Rap (Mutz) I got a 9-piece, potato wedged in ya Moms Droppin mad biscuits, and my gravy's da bomb Fried golden skin like I know the bitches love Knockin you out, with my super power glove -Verse 2 "Never again!" you could hear him exclaim. The Colonel had his leg he had come to reclaim. The trap was set, but Dave knew it well. He was gonna send the chicken man to hell. Feathers flew as the massacre rained, but the Colonel had his chicken all especially trained. A funky little chicken sitting on a limb, fired the bullet that would do him in. -Thomas Rap (Ken) Dave Thomas Thomas Dave all up in ya brain Bitches clean bitches dream feedin bitches the game Triple cheeseburger no onions no fillings I'ma keep yo beef real bitch, I'ma keep drillin Whatcha say Colonel? You got deez nuts in yo mouf Dave Mothafuckin Thomas, I'm the king of the south Yo shitty white hair original recipe lies Assaultica reppin, Dave Thomas on the mic. -Breakdown (Mutz) An army of chickens, a deep fried hell. Feel like a prisoner trapped in a cell. My revenge so far, but near. Just like a bucket of bar-b-q fear. A delicious explosion of nuggets and thighs. Now will be my time to rise. I will have what should be mine. Now your doom. In hell you dine! (Ken) I pound the beef with my bare hands. Pound the Earth, go pound some sand. Junior bacon pile driver, side of nuggets, and your mother. Where's the beef? If it's up your ass you'd know. Where's the beef? It's up your ass you old fart! -Verse 3 What is the point of the story i tell? I just want to tell you all that war is hell. Wendy Thomas sold out her old man when she found she was the heir in his plan. The money was hers now to do what she please, but the Colonel had another plan up his sleeve. The chickens were waiting as she made her escape. Now she's at the bottom of the Colonel's lake.

Razor Blades And Dinosaurs -Verse 1 Freeze the oceans, scorch the land. These roaring beasts are so out of hand. When sharks and dinosaurs collide, flaming cave men will burn and die. Ear to the ground and you shall hear, the thunderous sound of primal fear. Running and chomping, short arms and fins, the prophecy it now begins. -Chorus 1 Sharks. Sharks with legs, coming to bite you. Sharks. Sharks with low, S.A.T. scores. YEAH dinosaurs. Always talking, Chatty Kathy. Two faced dinosaurs betraying your trust. -Verse 2 Out of the water, and on to the land. Out of the jungle and on to the sand. Fin to fist, and eye to eye. Lasers blast off, ninja stars fly. Deadliest game, which beast will prevail? Ones with the fins, or the ones with the tails? Running and biting frenzy of fear. Apocalyptic vision draws near. -Chorus 2 Sharks. Sharks with needs, coming to touch you. Sharks. Sharks that clog, up your toilets. ROAR dinosaurs. Still talking shit. Always an asshole. Dinosaurs will tell all your secrets. -Breakdown Battle cries. Laser eyes. Curly fries. Thunder thighs. Coastal war. 94. Razors edge. Forgotten pledge. Razor blades, and dinosaurs, and laser beams, and dinosaurs. No guns or knives, just dinosaurs. We've changed our minds, use guns and knives. Shark grenades, and pointy scissors. Ninja stars, and dying lizards. The time has come for sharks to rise. Put an end to dino-lies. -Chorus 3 Sharks. Sharks with dreams, rewriting your history. Sharks. Sharks with plans, plans for the future. DEAD dinosaurs. On display, Franklin Institute. Dinosaur bones will ruin your weekend. Raptors, T-Rex, Great White, Good Night!

You Can Figure It Out

Explode Your Face (I Blow You Up) BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!! -Verse 1 (Mutz) Got a sack of black gun powder. Where it came from, unknown. Book of matches in my hand. My ensemble of doom. Never see it coming, what I have for you. A little something I've cooked up to feed to F-Heads like you. -Pre-Chorus 1 (Mutz Shit Talk) -Chorus 1 (Mutz) Explode your face! I blow you up! Explode your face! First I'm gonna blow out your eyes. Cherry bombs will pulverize. I won't leave till you explode. Light the fuse then watch you blow. -Verse 2 (Mutz) No more face you're shitting flames. I blew you to smithereens. Who comes next? My fucking neighbor who pissed on all of my jeans. Hung them out there just to dry not to be her urinal. Now comes time for my revenge. I'll blow her straight to hell. -Pre-Chorus 2 (Ken Shit Talk) -Chorus 2 (Mutz) Explode your face! I blow you up! Explode your face! T-N-T-N-DY-NO-MITE. Exploding bombs to win the fight. Pack your mouth up with C4. Scrape your body from the floor. -Bridge I just want to watch the blood spew from your neck-hole. Asshole! -Breakdown (Ken) They're dead. They're all dead. The ones with no heads. Who's not? Just me. If you stay, I'll leave. (Mutz) Big fart in your mouth, the gas line in your house. They're all fuels that I'll use to blow you from your shoes. -Chorus 3 Explode your face! I blow you up! Explode your face! Secret slayer born to kill. Exploding faces, my only thrill. Blowing heads up all for fun. Here comes the fuzz it's time to- RRRUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNN!!!!!!!! BLOW YOU UP!

I Eat You I Be You-To Bite Or To Flight -I Eat You I Be You- -Whatever you call this part Cooking brains, eat your remains. Want to be you, it's time to make the change. Eating you is my delight. Winged beast, it now takes flight. Spreads it's wings, and casts it's plagues. Seasoned smoke falls to their graves. Granting me eternal life. By my hands and trusting knife. I eat you! I be you! (Now I'm a vampire!) -To Bite Or To Flight- -Verse 1 Simon Belmont coming for me. I don't know what I should be. With my wings I fly through the air, but I don't want to mess up my hair. Slick back gets me the girls. Dead straight never any curls. As a bat I can be so free, but as a man I can be just me. -Pre-Chorus Drinking blood party every night! Blood drunk till the crack of light! -Verse 1.2 This decision needs to be made. Lay some pipe, or hang in the cave? Upside down I get the rest that I need. Can't resist the urge to feed. -Pre-Chorus -Chorus To bite or to flight? That is the question. To bite or to flight? A vampire's dilemma. -Verse 2 The quest for blood, what's a man to do? Well dressed a handsome six foot, two. As a bat I have so many friends. Franklin's parties never seem to end. Getting drunk, flying this way and that. Life rules as a fuckin' bat! My only fear is the morning star. Here it comes fire up the car. -Pre-Chorus -Chorus -Pre-Chorus x2 -Breakdown Drink the blood-I fucking bite you! Spill the blood-I fucking hate you! Taste the blood-I fucking taste you! Eat the blood-I fucking be you! -Pre-Chorus -Chorus x2

Sex Rulez (Don't Touch The Weave) -Verse 1 (Mutz) See your face in a drunken place, I go in for the kill. Classy blonde, cherry bomb, spread upon the bar. Bright red dress made to impress a gentleman like me. I never knew they made them like you, let's take off and get it on. (Ken) She's hypnotized cause I shave my man. Can't deny the affliction brand. Barbed wire tattoo on my arm. Four inches for her sausage wallet. (Mutz) Go into your room to invade your womb. The ritual begins. Flex the guns give a pull and a tug. What happened to your hair? (Ken) How'd she deceive a man like me? Don't you think that I'll pull out now. Let's act like it never happened. Like I'm humping Sinead O'Connor -Chorus 1 Rule 1: Try to make this fun. We're all here to get off. Rule 2: Take off your shoes. No one wants a bruise. Rule 3: Don't touch the weave. You might not like what you see. Rule 4: Unlock the door so it's easy for her to leave. -Verse 2 (Mutz) I don't know what I should do. How do I proceed? Slug a beer, and shed a tear, hope none of my friends see. This balding burner, wig in hand, begging me to breed. Close my eyes and go balls deep, we're going to do this thing tonight. (Ken) Take a shower, take a shit load of showers. Got to scrub my 4 inches of power. It's fucking cool, but it's fucking weird. Someone get me a fucking beer. -Chorus -Break Use these rulez we've set in stone to reach your ultimate goal. Always keep them in your mind, and they'll never treat you wrong. One thing I didn't mention, an oversight in my plans. Just make sure on your way home the girl is not a man. -Chorus

Too Ugly For Phone Sex -Verse 1 (Mutz) 1-900-EATABOX. She locked that shit up like Fort Knox. The 69 cents I had for you, the offer is up my chance you blew. (Ken) My pumped up tits, and sex appeal. Use your mind to cop a feel. Smell your breath come through the phone. Fuck this shit I'm going home. -Chorus (Mutz) Why won't you just fucking fuck me?! (Ken) I won't fuck you cause you're ugly! (Mutz) Here's my number, please just call me! (Ken) You're too gross my phone won't let me! -Verse 2 (Ken) Alexander Goddamn Bell can go fuck himself as well. Shove this job right up your ass. On the phone guys cum too fast. (Mutz) My credit card has been charged too much. A minute's love ain't worth this much. The Diner's Club is getting mad. Worst girlfriend I ever had. -Chorus -Breakdown (Mutz) I'm too ugly! (Ken) He's so creepy! (Mutz) Please just love me! (Ken) Not worth the money! (Mutz) I'm so lonely! (Ken) The way it should be! -Bridge Out (Mutz) I can't take this rejection! Starting to lose my erection! (Ken) Hang yourself by you boner! You'll always be a creepy loser! -Chorus Out (Mutz) Why won't you just fucking fuck me?! (Ken) I won't fuck you, You're, Too, Ugly! For phone sex?

Accidental Suicide -Verse 1 (Ken) This is embarrassing. Like when I got those STD's. Hey buddy, you got a minute or 2? So, you know. Where do I start? You know I really fucked this up. Don't worry, I didn't have sex with your wife...Again. But That's not why you're here. I don't even know why I brought that up. I'm fucking dead, and your wife is a slut. -Chorus: I killed myself. (Between all lines) Why'd I do that? What was I thinking? Was that a banana? Did you see that gorilla? Boy is my face red. I really shit the bed. Did anyone see that? I hope they didn't see that. -Verse 2 (Mutz) I can't believe what I have done, how embarrassing it seems. Never knew all of the danger that was surrounding me. Banana peels and catapults, how stupid I turned out to be. Chasing dogs into quicksand, making bungee cords too long. Thought I'd go on to live forever, mother fucker was I wrong. That's why I'm dead, and that's why you're not, and I'm writing this fucking song. -Chorus -Bridge (Spoken word of recent deaths) (Ken) Banana peel, slipped down the stairs. Parachute full of silverware. (Mutz) Stuck a fork in the microwave. Boogie boarded on a tidal wave. (Ken) Took a leak on an electric fence. Opened the oven, and in I went. (Mutz) Stood on a building and took a fall. Kicked my face while playing kick ball. -Chorus

Who Farted? (You Farted) -Intro (Ken) Large coffee and Taco Bell...Oh Lord what I do to myself (Mutz) Bubble gut, effecting me. Please my sphincter, hold tight dear God -Chorus (Mutz) I just want to know (Who Farted) I won't leave till you admit (You Farted) I know it wasn't me (Who Farted) Why won't you just say (You Farted) (Ken) The only question that I have (Who Farted) The look on your face tells me (You Farted) I won't leave until I know (Who Farted) This scent was not from me (You Farted) -Verse 1 (Mutz) I can't believe his nerve. Did he think it was ok? To relieve himself this way. Who would raise such an animal? -Chorus -Verse 2 (Ken) Who would do such things? To push hot air through last night's supper. Such a confined space. What a jagaloon. -Spoken Word -Chorus

Slippery When Dead -Verse 1 Butter fingered undertaker, a zombie by a pool. Banana peels and corpses, I'll let you set the rules. Corpse delivered UPS, it showed up in a box. I sold it for a premium, now eaten by a fox. -Chorus Slippery when dead. What does it fucking mean? Falling while dead to me. I hear the splash and scream. Slippery when dead. A tall order to create. No one knows what it could be. An annihilated fate. -Verse 2 Walking dead on the gridiron, no pass that they can catch. A theme park full of once live people, a gray and bloody mess. The well manored live-undead have become a catastrophe. My deposit checks been written. This vacation will never be. -Chorus -Bridge Faulty lifting, and bodies drifting, the undead insanity. Wet floor signs, no life resides where once sat a manatee. Never ending hoards of zombies rise to haunt us forever more.